& so it goes, kurt, so it goes

cooking my dinner (boiled spuds, fried lambsteaks, nuked broccoli) second evening without my first dose of brandy (& i was starting to love my two or three brandies in the evening), having finally felt compelled to recant my wishful denial that the alcohol was greatly exacerbating if not actually causing the flaring & flourishing, the blotching & the often intense & barely tolerable itching all over my how many square micromillimeters of skin, now giving up that buzz as I had to give up the buzz of a joint of an evening because I just can’t smoke any more, more of my alvioli are shot than not,  if I smoke i get too quickly outofbreath. & past a moment of feeling sorry for myself i’m saying to myself well part of getting old is giving up doing things you loved to do, it’s all part of getting ready for the last giving up, & i still feel i’d much rather be here than not

then i sit down with the plate & yukio mishima’s spring snow (in engtrans of course), happy again to be at last reading this wonderfully sensitive author’s evocation of life among the nobility of pre-WWII Japan

& think this is buzz  enough, this i can do as long as i can see, & so many good books keep coming my way…

then eating & something i read reminds me of (jewishisraeli) friends on facebook saying israel’s government has to be brought down, like are they forgetting that this government represents the majority of israel’s voters, & much more than a majority of israel’s jewish voters, who make up only about 75% of all voters, so no hope  unless something changes there, & maybe also in the jewish diaspora, where still the majorities of jewish organizations support israel’s governments in their oppressive policies

for surely only when a significant majority shifts away from the government’s policies can the government & those policies change
like when the soldiers refused to fire on the people in Petrograd
because the soldiers were all of and from the people

is that what happened in South Africa? (i haven’t got a clue, wasn’t following then, haven’t tried to research it yet, if anyone can suggest something good to read about this i’d be grateful), why exactly & how did deKlerk or whoever approach Nelson Mandela, did he, in his & their name, with whatever he offered &/or asked for, acknowledge the suffering of generations caused by white supremacist rule? did he apologize, offer just compensation in addition to the equal rights that he at long last was now willing to offer, indeed  to give & to ask Mandela, in his own & his people’s name, to accept? & what was Mandela willing to accept as adequate recognition of his people’s sufferings from the apartheidist regime’s immense crimes? How, by what miracles of the human spirit, was all that turned towards a more human & more humane shared future? Not that they seem to be in great shape right now, but still, it’s a bit better, no?

but people are going thru shit
in so many places, i can’t keep thinking about that
& so it goes, kurt, so it goes


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