Motherhood

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At about this time we decided that we could afford to have a baby, we would be able to give him everything he might need. Before this we did not think it possible, we could not afford to have a baby, that’s what we thought, we had a small two-room flat, with the office in it, so we thought it would be better to wait. But now we had no debts, we had a wonderful business, money in the banks, property which we partly bought from your grandparents, so everything looked all right.
We started looking for a bigger flat. Finally we found a beautiful one, in a very nice district, and paid plenty of key money. We redecorated it, modernized it, we bought new furniture, and had a special room for the office and of course a room for the baby.

As you started to grow inside me and I felt you kicking me, your father started to worry that I will love you, dearest, more than I loved him. At that time I assured him that he had nothing to worry about, but of course at that time I still did not know and could not know. But he was right.
At the same time as I started growing big with child, I noticed that your father had started to flirt with the wife of his friend and bridge partner. However, I was not a jealous type, I always believed in freedom. I believe that a person should be free, married or not, I felt myself like in a cage sometimes, people didn’t recognize me, people who knew me before my marriage often told me how I’d changed, not in my looks, just in my behavior. I agreed to everything your father wanted, because I wanted peace, but I did not want him to feel like being in a cage, he was free to do what he wanted. I did not ask any questions. I knew it would not help if there was anything between them, I knew if it was anything it was just a physical attraction which must come to an end, because I knew that he loved me, but he was not gentle to me during my pregnancy. At that time he also bought his first car and started learning to drive.

The morning came when he had to take me to the clinic to have my baby. It was 5 o’clock in the morning, but it took a long time till the baby came. He did not stay with me all the time, well I suppose he had to see clients, and had to have a driving lesson just at the time you were born, it was late evening the same day. It was a very difficult birth, your Uncle Leon (the doctor) was with me in the operating theater, they had to give me an anaesthetic, and he told me later that I was already without a pulse.
You were born a very big baby, dear, weighing about 5 kilograms, despite the diet I was on. When I woke from the anaesthetic, in my separate room, you were asleep in a little cot beside me. You were beautiful, and you had the most beautiful little hands I ever saw.
I stayed in that very elegant clinic for a fortnight, the room full of flowers and my bed linen made of lace. Your godmother was that friend of ours, the temporary girlfriend of your father (of course I never knew for sure). And a trained nurse was engaged to take care of you, dear. When the time came to go home your father had his driving licence, and your first trip, darling, from the clinic to our home, was in our own car.

I still had to stay in bed for two weeks at home, nowadays you get up after a few days after having a child but in those days you had to stay in bed for four weeks.
My mother started to come, she wanted to help, although we had a maid in the kitchen and a nurse for the baby. When she brought me food to bed it was different, I ate with an appetite, the maid never made it as good. But your father was not happy to see her so often and she felt it, poor Mother. She loved you so much, you just can’t imagine. You were her only grandchild. Whatever you did was wonderful. She loved her own children very much, but it was nothing compared with the love she felt for you, dear. You were her sunshine.
You were born in June, and we rented a holiday flat not far from Warsaw for the whole summer season, till September. We went there with your nurse, and your father used to come for weekends. The summer passed quietly. When we returned I started working as usual, and our business grew very much. Next section →

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